I haven't been feeling well for the last few weeks - stomach pains, throwing up, shortness of breath and other symptoms have persisted. I have visitied the doctor twice, the second visit proved that the chemistry of my blood was in good order and medically speaking there was nothing wrong with me.
This led the doctor and other people i complained to ask me if there was any chance i was pregnant since all the symptoms point to that very conclusion. To which i am led to believe that either i am hypochodriac or G-d has decided to have a baby with me. If the later hypothesis turns out to be true, i'll expect some hefty child support payments and would it be unoriginal to name the kid JC II?
I was having coffee with a girlfriend of mine, who is from the States. She's in her third year of college and her boyfriend is finishing off his last year. While in Scotland C. Has found the adventurous spirit and energy she has been lacking all this time. He boyfriend on the other hand is one of those 9-5 types, who wants to climb the corporate ladder and then get into politics (not that there is anything wrong with that). He gave her an ultimatum (and you thought girls only did that) either she chooses him (and his boring ass life) or her new found philosophy. It seems that he sees C. as the person he marries (so if she says she chooses him she is basically engaged). Which brings me to my next point, she can't be engaged because she's younger then me. Marriage doesn't scare me, i'm used to married (and divorced) friends, the tricky part is all of them are older then me and here i am talking to my friend and she is younger then me and seriously talking about marriage, 2.5 kids, and dog. And frankly that scares me.
Someone recently asked me about whether i thought a certain person was beautiful. I thought for a second, my first reply was an emphatic, "yes" and then it was followed by a confused "no... i don't know." It was the first time i realized that i'm not really sure about how i see her (or other people i love). As i was wondering about this dilemma the words of "Asleep and Dreaming" by the Magnetic Fields came to mind.
Well you may not be beautiful
But it's not for me to judge
I don't know if you're beautiful
Because I love you too much
It's amazing how once i love a person i can't objectively see their physical beauty.
You know that scene in Fight Club where Edward Norton's character goes into his inner-cave and he sees a penguin, his "power animal"? I loved that scene, especially when the penguin says "slide."
Last night i wasn't feeling well and couldn't get to sleep. When i finally slept i dreamt of Mr. Finn. I don't exactly remember the details of the dream but i know it was something along the lines of the Fight Club penguin saying "slide." Only my power animal instead of being the penguin, was Finn.
It's weird to admit that your "power animal"was your ninth grade English teacher. Weird but true, he was adored by me (and probably by the rest of the school). I had a special relationship with Finn (not that kind of relationship!). Whenever i was miserable (which was often in high school, but lets face it who wasn't) he was able to somehow make me feel a little less pathetic. Here's an illustration of what a mensch he was:
When his nephew was diagnosed with cancer and lost all his hair, Finn in solidarity shaved his head. I can understand if Finn was some young guy but Finn was in his late 40's and from what i hear didn't look that good with a bald head. And when my dad passed away Finn was one of the two teachers who came and actually sat shiva with us. There are many other stories that i can tell about Finn, like how he can make you feel like an intimate friend after just talking to him for a few minutes, how he didn't patronize the students he taught, how he allowed me to be his friend even when he had no time for another student seeking a mentor. Overall an amazing guy.
This morning when i awoke with puffy eyes and feeling sore i had to smile knowing Mr. Finn was out there enjoying his retirement and making the world just a little bit easier to live in.
I thought Alisa has the best post about the use of Yiddish*!
Setting: First grade. Highest level reading group, two boys and a girl, all Jewish, reading Frog and Toad by Arnold Lobel. For those of you not familiar with such fine literature, Frog and Toad are good buddies who do pretty much everything together. Frog is really upbeat and fun and Toad is somewhat depressed and pessimistic. So in the response packet the kids first have to find an adjective to describe Frog, with which they have no trouble. When it comes to Toad, they have much trouble and think for a long time. Nothing they come up seems to work. Finally one of the boys says: "I think Toad is kind of Oy vey". Yes, say the other children happily, "he is definitely quite oy-veyish". And so it was.
*From now i'm going to stop writing my own posts and start to copy and paste other bloggers' posts.
Last night at the movies i caught the trailer of Garden State, it still has not been released in Britain. The teaser trailer falls into the rare category of being better then the actual movie. Don't get me wrong i liked the movie, thought it spoke to me and "my generation" but the "Let Go" song and all those priceless moments edited into a 30 sec. spot seem quite magical.
I'm a bit sad that i missed Ken's Birthday Bash (what's this about "pretend" friends?). However, it seems from Karol's account i probably wouldn't have made it even if i was on the "right" side of the pond. Nevertheless, i did have a great time watching Bobby (Karol connection # 2) with his band Severin (sp?) perform one last time. It was bittersweet experience, because they really put on an amazing show (minus technical difficulties) and it is sad to think that it was their last. (Ok, maybe i'll just miss telling people "i have friends in the band") But seriously, i really enjoyed the whole show, even the "self-indulgent" (not my terminology) piece at the end.
Having spent last night in more taxis then i care to remember, i decided to post a little tribute to my baby, whose cousin i saw the other night on a cobble stone street. Walking is great but sometimes it nice to have the freedom of a car, Honda.
When the conversation drifts towards sexual matters, why do we all pretend that we are making wild abstract conjectures? Instead, why can we just allude to our own experiences without being embarrassed? Then again, some things are better off being a bit of a mystery. Makes things a bit sexier, no?
For the second time in my life i heard:
"You're Jewish? I never met a Jew before."
I found the comment always quite funny. Because all of a sudden i feel like i have to represent the Jews. Howevwer, as always i felt less then adequate (how Jewish is that!) in accomplishing the task. (At least i didn't say anything about a horns and tails. And to be fair to the guy, he was quite nice and excited about my Jewishness).
If you are in Boston next week, MFA is hosting Julie Delpy and showing both Linklater's Before Sunrise/Sunset movies. Worth checking out, here are some details.
Actress Julie Delpy will be present for special screenings of Richard Linklater’s Before Sunrise at 6 pm and Before Sunset at 8:30 pm. Julie Delpy will speak about the films at 7:45 pm.Before Sunrise by Richard Linklater (USA/Austria1995, 105 min.) Two strangers, Celine and Jesse, (Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke) meet on a train and take a spontaneous day trip to Vienna where they form an intense but fleeting connection in this intelligent romance.Before Sunset by Richard Linklater (USA, 2004, 80 min.) Nine years later, Celine and Jesse meet again by chance in Paris and discuss the direction their lives have gone in since Vienna. Tickets for the entire event are $8 MFA members students and seniors; $10 general admission.
While waiting at the doctor's office today I glanced over the British Metro. It's top story was the killing of Margaret Hassan and the subsequent pull out of the aid organizations due to the dangerous atmosphere in Iraq. Here's a quote that left me puzzled.
They say it is no longer safe to work openly because their humanitarian efforts have been undermined by theAmerican led coalition.
So it's the American soldiers fault for defying international law and kidnapping and executing journalists, business men, and relief workers?
I was in Israel where the it never rained and no one practically drank (except for some ex-pat Russians).
Now i'm Scotland where it never stops raining and everyone drinks, a lot.
When i was in Israel i went out on the town (Hertzilya) with a son of a family friend and his buddies. It was Saturday night (Sunday everyone had work), we sat down at the bar overlooking an exquisite beach with huge rolling waves. Everyone got a beer and i got the usual (gin & tonic). Feeling generous i proclaimed that the next round of drinks was on me. To which they proceeded to look at me with confusing and bewildering expressions - "What you want more alcohol? You American lush!" - they seemed to be saying. And that's when i learned Israelis are light weights when i comes to drinking. It was pretty sad, me and four grown men who couldn't drink more than one beer before calling it a night.
The US is already allocating $75 million to help run the Palestenian election in January. I suggest hitting Suha for some cash? I mean with all the stolen loot, it's the least she can do. (My blood pressure going up, i thought i was over it).
I'm not very proud of this behavior, it has continued for over a year and maybe it's time i came clean about it (and maybe even stop).
Here's a little story:
One summer ago i found myself in one of those screwed up situations with a guy friend. The kind of situation that is induced by mixing different types of alcohol together and letting someone else pay the bill the whole night.
Over the summer i found myself quietly falling for the aforementioned guy friend. I kept trying to convince myself that i was in love with the way the sun kissed my skin or the way rain drops slid down my windshield diffusing the red light. Coming home late, after having spent another painful night watching movies, i convinced myself of how wonderful it was to be in this platonic sensitive relationship with J., sex is overrated, i consoled myself.
Then came the fateful celebration night and the awkward morning. He was due to leave the city that very next day to move to a nearby state. I dropped off the mobile he left in his drunkenness on my windshield, i tried to be brave, we were still friends, right?
Two awkward phone calls followed and then total silence, no e-mail, fax, phone, letter in a bottle or explanation. And then in complete stereotypical behavior i imagined him to be dead...Obviously the reason i haven't heard from him was not because he wanted to avoid the very awkwardness that was me, but because he was badly injured with no energy to make one-goddamn-call. This is when the secret behavior started. I googled J. (Oh google, how i love thee) I wanted to make sure no obituaries about J. were written (why didn't his parents call me?!) At first the googling would happen multiple times a week. All the expectations were channeled into the button "search." Months passed and realizing the unhealthy side of stalking someone on the internet i almost stopped.
Through the search engine i found out that he has passed his bar exam and still loved his mac, as much as ever. And then it happend, i realized that my love/anger/bitterness/sadness has ebbed with every click of the button. It was just a habit.
Sam and Jess came to visit me this weekend. Making me the happy bear that i am (when surrounded by people I love). On Friday it was Guy Fawkes Day! The day where the British commemorate a guy trying to blow up Parliament! By burning and blowing up stuff! (It's still unclear if they are commemorating the failed attempt or Fawkes' cause). The celebration involves lots of fireworks and bonfires. Alas, there was no fires in our vicinity (I think they are banned by Edinburgh council) - but there sure was a lot of fireworks. I convinced Jess and Sam to climb Arthur's Seat with me to watch all the fireworks happening all across Edinburgh and beyond. We started the climb around 7pm, in the windy, dark, and wet evening. The rocks were slippery and the occasional setting off of amateur fireworks sure made you feel like you were in a war zone instead the peaceful Scottish countryside, I don't think my guests were too happy. However we did make it to the top (finally). Only to be scared by the drunk people with explosives in their hands. (I should have know that since it's Scotland, every activity, even the kind that involves huge heights and dangerous explosives, will also include lots of alcohol.) You know what's harder then going up a mountain in complete darkness? Getting down a mountain in complete darkness! But we survived. End of boring story.
I'm psyched about Wes Anderson's new movie for It stars, one of my favorie actors, Bill Murray (which the website describes as performing in "seriocomic," i personally like the term "dramedy") and William Defoe. Ofcourse the style and story look like the usual Wes Anderson shenanigans, which i'm always up for.
Even though the website is not completely done it is still forth checking out.
The other day, as i was walking home at five o'clock in the morning, delirous from having stayed up all night working on a worthless project. One the way i overheard the following exchange:
Young, semi - good looking blond guy (late teens/early twenties) stumbling down the middle of the road. He is followed ( a few feet away) by a younger, less-attractive, desperate girl.
Young Guy: "GO HOME!"
Desperate Girl: "I want to know that you're OK! I want to be with you."
YG: "I'll be ok if you GO HOME!"
DG: "Please..." goes to hug YG, only to be pushed awat "I just want to be with you! I love you!"
YG: "Just leave me ALONE, and I'll be OK, as long as you GO HOME!"
Passing that scene, it surprised how much i sympathized with the guy, rather then the jilted girlfriend. Maybe the fact that i haven't been in love in a while made completely cynical to the whole spectacle. It's so easy to look in complete horror at this little scene and you think, "can't they just control themselves?" And the answers is ofcourse is "no."
and most of you are there...hope everyone had time to vote. I rocked the absentee ballot. This is the first election that i'm not that worried about (as weird as that sounds). No matter who wins - there will be satisfaction and disatifaction - neither candidate fits my bill of perfection, but that is what politics is all about: give and take. However, i will take the Jeff Jarvis' pledge (i found via Steve Silver)
After the election results are in, I promise to:
Support the President, even if I didn't vote for him.
Criticize the President, even if I did vote for him.
Uphold standards of civilized discourse in blogs and in media while pushing both to be better.
Unite as a nation, putting country over party, even as we work together to make America better.
In the mean time i'll be figuring more ways at avoiding writing my essays and cover letters that are causing me nightmares. (Click on End of the World to make you gigle.)
Celebrities say "Go Vote," when they really mean, "Go Vote for Kerry" - seriously the public is smarter then they look! And you (the celebrities) still sound like overpampered ass holes. So please shut up and leave the commenteries to people who are actually in touch with the real world.
(I don't mind celebrities endorsing Kerry, but i rather hear them be straightforward instead hiding behind "go vote" slogans!)