Tuesday, May 31, 2005
You know, i got Mr. Camel back in New Year's and i still haven't named him. He just hangs around on my bookshelf - without judgement he watches me as i make countless mistakes and refuse to clean my very chaotic messy room. Thank you Mr. Camel...soon i will think of a the bestest name for you.
Those groans men use
passing a woman on the street
or on the steps of the subway
to tell her she is a female
and their flesh knows it,
are they a sort of tune,
an ugly enough song, sung
by a bird with a slit tongue
but meant for music?
Or are they the muffled roaring
of deafmutes trapped in a building that is
slowly filling with smoke?
Such men most often
look as if groan were all they could do,
yet a woman, in spite of herself,
knows it's a tribute:
if she were lacking all grace
they'd pass her in silence:
so it's not only to say she's
a warm hole. It's a word
in grief-language, nothing to do with
primitive, not an ur-language;
language stricken, sickened, cast down
in decrepitude. She wants to
throw the tribute away, dis-
gusted, and can't,
it goes on buzzing in her ear,
it changes the pace of her walk,
the torn posters in echoing corridors
spell it out, it
quakes and gnashes as the train comes in.
Her pulse sullenly
had picked up speed,
but the cars slow down and
jar to a stop while her understanding
keeps on translating:
'Life after life after life goes by
Friday, May 27, 2005
Going into work today (which i don't particularly dread or like) i was thinking when and where would like to have worked if i had a choice. The first thing that popped up were the 1950's, strange huh? But how cool would it be if i was a man living in Manhattan, being some powerful exec, and going to lunch drinking huge amounts of martinis or whatever cosmopolitan men drank back then. Coming back to work slapping my secretary on the ass (the one i was having an affair with, obviously). And smoking a nice cigar while giving vague instructions to the underlings.
This made me think of Revolutionary Road, a fantastic novel set in New York in the 1950's about what else - a bored ad executive and the unraveling of his and his wife's dreams as they settle into suburbia and have 2.5 kids. Really worth the read - it's actually quite a devastating novel a sort of The Great Gatsby for the 1950's. The American Dream gone horribly wrong - Richard Yates' writing is strong and consuming. Worth checking out.
OK, maybe i'll re-think the whole dream job.
Update: Inspired by my post, i decided to head to one of the trendy South Boston cafes in the neighborhood i work in. And although i didn't get a martini, i did get a very strong g&t (at least that's how i ordered it) - i am feeling the effects already - wohoo, i love being of the drinking age - now all i need is to go find me a sexy ass to slap. That is all.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
It was nice to catch up and spend sometime with someone who really knows you. And what does one talk about with someone they know really well (or not that well)? Sex. At some point we got on the topic of cunnilingus, D. very earnestly recounted a recent encounter with a cute Asian girl (ed. note someone has a slight fetish in that department). It seems the girl has never been pleasured properly.
- You would not believe how many men don’t know how to properly go down on a girl!
- Um, I think I have a rough idea…
- I mean half time I’m with a girl is just to go down on her, it’s so hot to see her squirm with pleasure.
- Really? Just going down?
- I’ve been with so many girls who have never been eaten out well. Most of the time guys don't know what the heck they are doing down there, they slobber all over and they think they're done. There such pleasure in giving her pleasure. There's a fine art to it. You know I really need to teach class on this. I think I would be really good at it. Too bad Vassar never offered a course in female orgasm and cunnilingus – I think with all my, ah, field research, I would have been a good candidate to teach it.
- Hmm, I think you missed your calling.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
I had a few minutes to kill before meeting some people in early May. The day had been grey and plain yucky. But then suddenly the sun came out - setting the tops of buildings ablaze. Reminded me of the beautiful evenings in Edinburgh, except Arthur's Seat was replaced by brownstones. Who would have thought the financial district could look so romantic?
Monday, May 23, 2005
Total size of music files on my computer: Like Candy - not a clue. Probably no more than 1 GB.
The last CD I bought was: Beatles for Sale, i realized it was the only Beatles cd missing from my collection (heresy). I also "borrowed" Kylie Mingogue's Fever, it's a bit embarrassing but we at Petitedov believe in truth. I really need to go shopping for music. My collection has become a bit stale.
Song playing right now in
iTunes on my computer: Dresden by St. Jude's Infirmary. An amazing Scottish band my friend manages. I am bit obsessed with this song, it's been more than five months and i still listen to it incessantly.
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me: Both! Since I don't get to answer the others.
LISTEN A LOT (RIGHT NOW):
1. Let Go - Frou Frou
2. Wasted and Ready - Ben Kweller
3. The Holiday Song- Caroline Date
4. Auf Achse - Franz Ferdinand
5. Jesus - Velvet Underground (actually the whole damn album)
6. Y prerodi net plohoj pogodi (In nature there is no such thing as bad weaher.)
EVOKE A LOT:
1. Save Me - Aimee Mann
2. Cathedrals - Jump Little Children
3. Between the Bars - Elliott Smith
4. Asleep and Dreaming - The Magnetic Fields
5. Do You Realize - Flaming Lips
Five people to whom I'm passing the baton:
I want to see what Murph is listening to right now - he writes well about music and he has almost convinced me to go and buy the new Aimee Mann cd.
C because she says her music taste is more popular than most - also she hasn't done the other meme i tagged her with. I'm not afraid to call her slacker. Slacker!
Writersbloc once complained of running out of space on her ipod. Let's see what she actually has on there. (I promise last one, W).
Also Esther, because i might know her preference for dating and films, but in the music department she's a mystery.
Jessica so i can steal the music she loves next time i visit.
Anyone else who would like to share their music profile especially people without blogs, (ahem Mike / Bobby) . Music talk is fun.
If what they say is nothing is forever,
Then what makes
Love the exception?
Is love the exception?
I remember my first serious break up. Her name was Liz - we had an intense six months relationship. She was everything i wasn't - lanky, sexy, and out of control. Every week she had another solaticious tale to tell me about the guy she blew behind the Starbucks or dancing all night long in a cage while high on E.
"Petitedov," she would say looking me straight into my eyes, "don't ever have sex when you're on e."
She was full of worldly wisdom. My virgin self would keep this in mind for a long time - hoping that maybe her bad ass behavior would transcend onto me. I couldn't understand why she wanted to be my friend. I wasn't beautiful, punk boys weren't chasing me or bedding me, i didn't even smoke pot. I was awkward and lonely, i read a lot - i liked talking to adults, what did she see in me?
So i should not have been surprised when she stopped talking to me. But I was. I was hurt and stunned. I agonized for months my love for her burning me. And then one day i woke up and realized how much i really disliked her, besides the occasional "shocking" details i found her to be boring and shallow.
Then there was my first romantic relationship - to put it simply he was an asshole. I know people say that all the time about their exes but in this case it is not just an opinion it's practically a fact. I cringe thinking he was ever a part of my life. It was the classic case of girl with not enough self-esteem meets Jack Ass and falls madly in love even though he treats her like shit. Suffice to say he broke up with me. A year went by before i could truly hate him and then let hate turn into indifference. You can't really have hate without love. The two emotions are very closely entwined, to hate is to care. And if you care than "it" or "they" have power over you.
So where did my love for him(and her) go? Why didn't it last forever? And can love last forever?
I have a few theories - coming soon in the next post.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
The film is shot in black and white and is interspersed with documentary footage of busy streets of Paris and other locales the couple ends up visiting on the run. It mostly focuses on the kind of desperate romantic love (that i hope to never experience again) and the loss of innocence. Basically it's your typical French movie - not a lot is said or done, lesbian love scenes and menage-a-trois abound, and intense close ups of Lili’s face and full lips fill the screen for half the movie. Worth checking out if you’re into that kind of thing (which i am).
When i was describing the movie to DS, he of course pointed to the obvious that the film sounds a lot like and homage to Goddard’s classic, Breathless. On a whim i looked up the original review of Breathless. I was surprised by the moralizing and cautionary tone of the review. It’s quite amusing – the film critic making a big deal of the disaffected youth and the hedonistic culture- I wonder what kind of review would “À Tout de Suite,'' generate?
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Have you read Salinger's writing? The man can write about dog poop and i would still defend him and re-read him. I read Catcher in the Rye in seventh grade - i was in love with Holden and his hate for the phonies for 3.5 years. But that's not why i am defending the book, look i don't want to marry Holden or discuss deep important things with Franny - i do however adore re-reading For Esme, With Love and Squalor or A Perfect Day for Bananafish. The man can in 1.5 sentences reveal so much about a character, situation, motivation - what it takes most writers 25 pages to do. I'm writing from work - so this post is lame and without examples. Maybe tonight there will be an update with examples of the gorgeous writing.
Post inspired by Sara's post (and other comments and conversations i have observed recently). With who i mostly agree and find a fantastic writer in her own right.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
"With a ring like that I could - dare I say it? - rule the world. " - brilliant i thought, until i realized no one would get the reference to this cooky scientist trying to take over the world via the Beatles. So i guess what i'm saying is, if you haven't seen the movie - go see it, then you can all get my clever references. Even if you're not a Beatles fan the jokes work on other levels. So check it out.
And speaking of quotable movies. Gib quotes one of the best loved and known movies of all time - by one of the best characters of all time. (I personally think it should be made into a weekly segment on the blog.) Check out entries 1, 2, 3, and 4. Finally pop culture put to a good use - ridiculing asshole politicians.
Seriously i use, "I am Inigo Montoya you killed my father prepare to whatever i want!" All the time.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Three times car(s) almost ran me over.
Two wine glasses broken (one at Jessica's apartment - while trying to um, clean up. One while walking out of a bar where I didn't even drink).
One incident of a car backing up on me.
(Other incidence of clumsiness and total obliviousness this weekend include: metal rod stuck between my foot and sandal causing me to fall in the middle of an intersection ruining my favorite pants with tar all over them. Banging my head on the tile wall while taking a quick shower - not once but twice.)
Just another reminder of how smooth, calm, and collected I am. I am left wondering how is it that I'm still alive with only minor bruising? I think next time I'm NYC I'm bringing a helmet. Oy!
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I'm a Beatles fan. I first heard The Beatles when i was eight, the year i came to America. My Mother's sweet Italian boss gave her tape of The Beatles/ 1962-1966. And i was hooked.
So i thought i do some analysis of who was my favorite Beatle in different times in my life. I think the changes reflect not only my evolving taste in music but how i saw the world. Isn't it great to use The Beatles as your world philosophy?! I guess you can do it with anything you like - kindergarten, blow jobs, etc.
1. Paul (Paul was cute, i dug his eyes.)
4. Ringo (Although Ringo was always my favorite in Hard Days' Night)
1. John (The sarcastic humor the irrelevant interviews. Norwegian Wood, i was getting a bit more sophisticated.)
3. Paul (His sweetness was beginning to grate on me, although Why Don't We Do It in the Road was probably part of my sexual awakening, a nice surprise.)
1. George (Almost every song he wrote while in The Beatles blows my mind - both instrumentally (is that a word?) and lyrically. Also my aesthetic taste in men developed, he's hot ok!?)
4. Paul (I hate his current music and his cocky persona, only good song after The Beatles: Baby I'm Amazed)
Your turn now.
Update: There are very few things i can talk about in confidence - mainly two topics myself and The Beatles. So i decided to put the post up top - because people who actually know about music (and also know how to write well about music weighed in). I have to agree with Murph that the genius of the Beatles was their unique combination.
To be honest i haven't listened to Paul's solo efforts that much - so might have been talking out of my deriere on that one. Although, I have heard his latest stuff and i don't like it.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Friday, May 06, 2005
Thursday, May 05, 2005
That's right folks... Today we celebrate the great holiday of CINCO
DE MAYO... the commemoration of General Ignaclo Zaragoza's winning
the Battle of Pueble over the French who were desperately trying to
take over Mexico.
General Zaragiza's victory calls for massive celebration and chaos!!
Let us join, my brothers and sisters, and be happy that Mexico is not
French!! Let us be thankful that Anna's Taqueria doesn't serve
smelly cheese and wine!! Dienu. Let us be thankful that the cute
dog on TV says "Yo Quiro Taco Bell!" rather than "Je voudrais Taco
Bell!" Dienu. Let us be thankful for Mexico's drug trade with the
US. Without Mexican marijuana, Steer Roast could not have happened.
Ah, the mixing of cultures is this what America is all about?
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Nighty, night folks. Oh, and check out Life Goes Off for fabulous book reviews.
Song of the moment: "Ho" by Ludicris. "Why you think you take a ho to a hotel?" alternative Brigheyes - "A Song To Pass The Time"
This weather has me wanting love more tangible. Something I can hold because it's getting cold.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
* If you don't want go somewhere badly enough your body will make itself sick.
* Blogging on the weekend can be seen as uncool.
* Talking about blogging with non-blogging friends makes you doubly uncool.
* There something to be said about a watermelon. Mainly, it's the perfect snack food.
* Waking is better than sleeping. (Ok, I just stole that from a tv show, but it applies so well to my weekend i can't help but stealing it.)
* I miss having my own personal bathroom. ("two more weeks, two more weeks" mantra seems not to be helping)
* why do i even waste my time scribbling words down about my life when David Sedaris exists? favorite story from his latest efforts "Repeat After Me"
* no matter how sick a person is and how out of their mind, the insensitive remarks still hurt
* i cannot turn off my heart, but it would be nice to have an on/off switch from time to time